
山から降りてきて数日が経った。
不思議な気分だ。
本当に登ってきたんだっけ?というような気持ちが、どこかに混在している。
本当に天候に恵まれた山行だった。
四日間ともほとんど快晴。3日目の稜線で身体を持っていかれるような強風に見舞われたくらいだ。
しかし、2000m級と言えども冬山は寒い。
行動中の昼間はともかく、夜だ。テントの中の結露はビシビシに凍り付き、下からの底冷えも酷い。
いろんなものが、とにかく凍っていく。何しろ零下15度だ。
悠長に中で乾杯などしている場合ではないのだ。持って行ったスモークも僅かな水分で凍ってしまうほど。
一睡もせずに登り始めた山だったが、一日目は寒さで三時間程しか眠れなかった。
余りの寒さで、二日目は小屋に泊まった。巻きストーブで身体を温めると、スヤスヤ10時間程眠った。
寒さであまり外に出る気にはなれないのだが、夜空もこれはまた素晴らしいものだった。
雲取山は、東に東京の街が見える。それはそれで美しい。そしてどこか物悲しい。
しかし、二日目は更に山深い方へ入り、周りには街の光一つもなく、あるのは本当に山ばかり。
いるのは俺とM氏の二人きりだ。
雪に包まれた山々の中に男が二人。
とても清らかな気持ちになる。淋しい、とか、美しい、とか、何だかそんな形容すら無意味に思える。
稜線を歩き、強風に煽られながら、切り立つ笠取の頂上に出た時、慣れないブーツの中で剥がれかかっている親指の爪の痛みは、もうどこかへ行っていた。
最後の夜のテントの中で、浅い眠りにつきながら、強風の音を聞いていると、あたかも海の近くにいる様に思えてくる。波の音の様なのだ。
ナルゲンのボトルに熱湯を入れ、寝袋の中に放り込んで湯たんぽにした。劇的に温かい。眠れなかったら、恐ろしいほど長い夜だ。湯たんぽを入れた瞬間、この夜をやり過ごせる気がした。おかげで三時間ずつ寝られた。
俺はナルゲンボトルが大好きになった。ナルゲンに余分に金を払いたいくらいだ。
今回もいろんな事が学べた。こんな時、何が必要で何が要らないか。そして山で学べるのは生き抜く力だ。生き抜く術だ。
ほんの少しの事で、自分がまた強くなれた気がする。
最終日、雁峠へ向かう道。開けた雪原の真ん中にあるトレースを辿る。
そう言えばトレースの着いていない道もあった。凍った岩場も危なかった。そんな事も素晴らしい思い出だ。
地平線が美しい。まるで冒険だ。いや、本当にこれは冒険なのだ。地図をいくら眺めても、写真をいくら見ても分からない、知らない世界に旅をする冒険だ。

雪についた、熊のような足跡に少々ビビりながら、沢沿いの林道を歩く。
3時間程歩くと、段々と沢が、人工的な川に変わっていった。
街が近いのだ。
達成感と久しぶりの街に降りれた嬉しさ
と、冒険の終わりのちょっとした寂しさ、美しい思い出、いろんな思いが交差する。
見知らぬ街に降り立った。山梨の小さな湖のほとり。あの沢の水が流れ込んでいるのだろう。バス停の近くで見つけた自動販売機でコーヒーを買った。
自動販売機を使うだけで、偉大な文明人になった気分だ。
M氏が言った。
「終わってみて、今回の山は、良くなかった…と言う山は、あるのかな。」
きっと無いんだろうね、と俺は言った。
そうだね、とM氏も言った。
最高の登山だった。
そして最高の正月。
年賀状は書けなかったけど、みんな本当に去年もありがとう。
今年もお世話になります。
ついでと言ってはなんですが、来週月曜日、下北沢のCCOで弾き語りやります。
新年会のつもりで遊びに来てください。
山帰り、歌も育っていると思います。
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